Sunday, November 13, 2005
Thin and "Flabu-less"
OK, I am officially sick and tired of the struggle with my ever-expanding posterior which, at this moment, appears as if it could span two continents. So, I decided that I'm going to slay the obesity monster for good once and for all. If you'd like to watch me do it, then you'll want to follow this blog.
It's not like I'm any stranger to dieting. In fact, I've lost plenty of weight in my life. In the past 30 years, I've lost and gained back hundreds of pounds over and over. If you're reading this blog, then you probably already know how that story goes: go on a diet, lose some weight, and then gain back even more. When I was a teenager, I lost 115 pounds in one year by becoming anorexic. (Yes, I was a fat kid.) Then I became bulemic and gained most of it back. (No joke.) Then, I got thin again in my late 20s. Over the next two decades, I kept gaining more and more weight -- until one day, my life was spinning hopelessly out of control. (This happened, in part, due to a medical condition. Oh, hush up! It seemed like a good excuse at the time.) This year, I lost 60 pounds and recently gained back 10 of them. Crap!
So, what makes me think this time will be different? Well, for one thing, I have sworn off pills, potions, meal replacements, fake foods, cellular detoxification gimmicks (yes, Isagenix, I mean YOU!!!), and all the other nonsense that the multi-million dollar weight loss industry deviously cooks up in an attempt to rob me of my hard earned dollars. I refuse to drink anymore chalky protein shakes or eat anymore "nutritionally balanced" bars, all of which taste like candy-coated cardboard to me anyway. You can bet your sweet bippie that I won't be fasting, starving, "cleansing" or counting Points -- or fat grams, or calories -- either. While you're at it, you can forget portion control too!! That is, unless it's a portion of bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, or anything else that's high in carbohydrates. That's right! I'm low carbing!
It's not like I haven't tried low carbing before. In fact, I was quite successful at losing weight by restricting carbs it in the past. The only problem was -- well, actually, there were several problems. OK, I admit I cheated. But everybody cheats once in a while (even this guy, who inspired me to start blogging my own journey). The biggest problem was that, once I let that villainous poison called "sugar" back into my life, I gained back the 40 pounds I had lost low-carbing -- plus a whole lot more. I am oh, so tired of the raging battle between my tastebuds (which love sugar) and my body (which treats it like a toxin). So, I've re-committed myself to the low-carb lifestyle. Notice that I said "lifestyle" and not "diet." This time, I'm going to follow the plan correctly. And I'm not going to allow myself to eat sugar again. In any form. Ever. Amen.
Nevertheless, I am really looking forward to using my above-average cooking skills to create some "flabu-less" gourmet meals. So, pick up your fork and let's dig in! We're going to have ourselves a "flabu-less" time getting"flabu-lessly" thin!
It's not like I'm any stranger to dieting. In fact, I've lost plenty of weight in my life. In the past 30 years, I've lost and gained back hundreds of pounds over and over. If you're reading this blog, then you probably already know how that story goes: go on a diet, lose some weight, and then gain back even more. When I was a teenager, I lost 115 pounds in one year by becoming anorexic. (Yes, I was a fat kid.) Then I became bulemic and gained most of it back. (No joke.) Then, I got thin again in my late 20s. Over the next two decades, I kept gaining more and more weight -- until one day, my life was spinning hopelessly out of control. (This happened, in part, due to a medical condition. Oh, hush up! It seemed like a good excuse at the time.) This year, I lost 60 pounds and recently gained back 10 of them. Crap!
So, what makes me think this time will be different? Well, for one thing, I have sworn off pills, potions, meal replacements, fake foods, cellular detoxification gimmicks (yes, Isagenix, I mean YOU!!!), and all the other nonsense that the multi-million dollar weight loss industry deviously cooks up in an attempt to rob me of my hard earned dollars. I refuse to drink anymore chalky protein shakes or eat anymore "nutritionally balanced" bars, all of which taste like candy-coated cardboard to me anyway. You can bet your sweet bippie that I won't be fasting, starving, "cleansing" or counting Points -- or fat grams, or calories -- either. While you're at it, you can forget portion control too!! That is, unless it's a portion of bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, or anything else that's high in carbohydrates. That's right! I'm low carbing!
It's not like I haven't tried low carbing before. In fact, I was quite successful at losing weight by restricting carbs it in the past. The only problem was -- well, actually, there were several problems. OK, I admit I cheated. But everybody cheats once in a while (even this guy, who inspired me to start blogging my own journey). The biggest problem was that, once I let that villainous poison called "sugar" back into my life, I gained back the 40 pounds I had lost low-carbing -- plus a whole lot more. I am oh, so tired of the raging battle between my tastebuds (which love sugar) and my body (which treats it like a toxin). So, I've re-committed myself to the low-carb lifestyle. Notice that I said "lifestyle" and not "diet." This time, I'm going to follow the plan correctly. And I'm not going to allow myself to eat sugar again. In any form. Ever. Amen.
Nevertheless, I am really looking forward to using my above-average cooking skills to create some "flabu-less" gourmet meals. So, pick up your fork and let's dig in! We're going to have ourselves a "flabu-less" time getting"flabu-lessly" thin!
// posted by Beauty and the Brain @ 12:33 PM 
